Deciding, Sacrificing and Growing up.

     My mother said, "when your heart is not in a good condition, stay in your room and don't go anywhere. Just pray and read Qur'an. Don't promise, and don't decide anything till you find your heart in calmness."

     I faced many things in life that force me to decide. To be honest, I don't like deciding or choosing between two choices or else. Because I don't like it when everything become so serious, I don't like it when I have to sacrifice one thing for another while I love both of them, I don't like it when I have to see the thing that I don't choose gone far, left behind. I don't like to have that tiny feeling of regret because I promised to not regret for whatever it is I am doing. The big main point is I don't like growing up and considered I am mature enough, because these stuffs I hate will be present in my life and I just can't stop it from coming and I can't escape. It's like you're drawning, you got nowhere to go but to the top of the water to breathe. If you go down, then you'll run out of breath then you'll end up die.

     I don't want to pick one when i have two choices. I mean, i really trust myself in being able to handle all the things, so everything will just run under my control. But life doesn't always go the way i wanted it to. It goes like it should've, instead.

     Time passes by and whether i want it or not, i started making choices. And i started feeling intranquility and worry. I don't like when i feel insecure, less confident. It feels like i didn't make mistakes, but i got nobody worth to be blamed but me myself.

     The day goes by and however, I learn. And then it becomes something l use to do, because I did it for like everyday. I'm no longer under my mother's protection neither my father's. I'm no longer live with my old surrounding which is safe and less-consequence. Even when there are a lot of dramas and mood swing, confuse and careless but i have to keep going forward because when you go back, then you're a coward.

     Further and further i finally accept and start to realize that world has to be worth living and i just can't take it for granted. Every move count, and every decision will determine what you will become in the next grade. I force myself, and I start to know that this thing is not a burden, because Allah will never give His servant something they can't endure and handle.

     And then I discover... That when I decide something out of two choices, I was taught to compare, which one is better for me. I figure out what i really need to do and important for me, and leaving something secondary. I find out where to go, i find out my inner strength, i find out new friends, i find out a lot of new things that i never expect before. I saw efforts, bravery, spirits, competitiveness, and also, sincerity and sacrifices.

     We choose one not because we can't do two things at once. Not because we unable to manage them both and we afraid of stuck and being complicated. But the reason why we choose one is because we have that responsibility. It means that when we brave enough to make our decision, we brave enough to take all the risks that it would bring with it. We brave enough to bring ourselves along with it's flow. We brave enough to realize that life is not about having everything in our hand... But it's about how we can be responsible of one thing so we can make it worth for us, and beneficial for others. And yes perhaps in some occasion we may be stuck and trap between two hard choices, but taking all will be more risky and we should know that we could've not give up at the half of our fight because we're tired. So may Allah guide us along our way, grant us strength for always making a great decision for us.

     I understand that it may be hard sometimes. But our soul will be fully charged as if we come back to Allah. The Owner of the very everything in this whole wide world. Allah is the only one who can hear the smallest voice we whisper inside of the deepest part of our heart where nobody ever heard. It's a suggestion that whenever you find yourself lost, feeling desperate and down... Turn back to Allah, so He can lit up your inner strength so you can keep moving.

     I just want to say in this last part that... In case of getting something, we have to sacrifice something. It's sad to know, but it's true and that's how the real life is. Plenty of choices. So make your own wise decision, be sincere to sacrifice, and be brave to face every obstacle ahead. When you able to decide wisely, to sacrifice sincerely, then your mentality grow up... Better,  and stronger.

#GANBATTE!💪