a soliloquy

They say if you can't start thinking, read. If you can't stop thinking, write. 

So that is basically what i am doing right now. 

-

I recognized this feeling of confusion. It is a state of being in between; this forest you're adventuring in doesn't seem to arisen your optimism no longer. It seems vagued. Your sight befogged and everything around you is just unclear. 

Deep inside you know that you should keep walking. But there is this scariness of uncertainty that haunts you. It's suddenly there... and it's been a very long time since the last time you feel it so strong.

The feeling of dependency come. Like you're no longer able to walk on your own feet; like you need other's arm to hold you; like you need someone to come and stay, just appreciating the silence, but stay, for you, by your side; it is a moment, that feels like you need another's soul to trust because you mistrust yours. 

So then there it is. You can't even track where your thought goes. And it sucks. It. Literally. Sucks. 

And then i hear this tiny echo inside; struggling to be loud and heard, by me. 

Go outside. Leave your working desk. Meet the sky. Greet the grass. Smell the wind. See the stars. 

The room you are staying is fraught enough to carry these wild thoughts coming from inside. You face these white walls surrounding you over and over, staring at them and pouring all the thoughts you had. 

The next second i decided to get out of the room; tune in to my earworm; and slow everything down.

You have control. 

Not for everything. 

But, please just stay focus on things you can control. 

It is the only key to end the whole overthinking session. 

-

You're doing good babe. Whatever it is you decide to do... learn from the past so you don't repeat the same mistake. Be brave but be discreet. Whatever path you choose, you will meet those people who will help you to get to where you want to be. But whatever happens... i will always be by your side, number one supporter, okay:))

Sabar. Satu per satu.

🥰❤