When it is actually done but you're not done yet.

Every step i take 

Every move i made 

Every single day 

Everytime i pray 

I'll be missing you 

It has always been a gloomy morning I experience these past few days. Today, I woke up with lines of a song in my head and suddenly I feel like I'm just gonna tune it anyway. Still lying on my bed, -not to mention the fact that I haven't do any morning rituals yet- I grab my phone and tap a white-play-button-on-a-red-background app logo and look for the earworm. It's a cover of I'll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy that BTS performed on BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge. Whatever popped out in your head when it comes to BTS... It won't change the truth that I like them a lot 😗

After it was repeated twice, I decided to start my day (like, properly). Took a shower and prayed Dhuha. Spread my bread with chocolate jam and pour the milk into a pink glass. Nothing seems unusual until there is this slight feeling of missing something that comes creeping. 

The song faded out, flashbacks getting louder. 

It's already the fifth month after the entire event officially ended. A first-time experience. Kinda huge. Forced to befriend uncertain conditions. Bore the burden to keep the prestige of the show. Surrounded by new people. 

It just surprised me how I didn't take such a long time to literally know these people I am working with. It's only a month, and approximately a total of 4 months of me mingling with the diversity and newness. 

But everybody is more than supportive and appreciative, hard-working than I ever expected. Creating that surrounding where I feel accepted, leaving me dejected just to walk out the basecamp door. Typical kind of a 'if-i-could-spend-time-any-longer-to-be-with-them-then-i-will' circle. Cause a hard time doesn't even feel that hard somehow. 

I remember invented a term called 'symposiumhood' named after 'symposium': that event that gathers me with these people and added 'hood' taken from 'brotherhood' to recall a bond made just effortlessly. 

These people, not gonna lie but are a ride or die. 

What are they struggling for? What did they expect to gain from the sleepless weeks? Physically dropped but still coming back? Not to exaggerate but I couldn't find a suitable word to describe this literally. 

Bless you kakak Universe and especially kakak Ubur-ubur for inviting me to the team! You both are remarkable:) 

So if this whole symposium story is described as a love story, then it would be an unforgettable one. Like a memory of that ex who could suddenly come and back to life, reminisced in your thoughts😪 (I think I know how it feels even if I don't have any 👀)

There are so many things that happened after May. I passed my final semester examinations and am currently involved in some projects with my colleagues now. When I try to recall where do I get this kind of courage of doing these stuffs so out of my comfort zone... i could say OISAA Middle East and Africa Region's Symposium is unpredictably one of the Queen's gambit. 

I clog my ears with my earphones. And there the memories live on, then there goes the song went on. 

Thinking of the day  

When you went away

What a life to take, what a bond to break

I'll be missing you